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Complaining is defined as expressing discontent, pain or grief with the way things are. It includes gossiping, criticizing, or being sarcastic. People generally complain 15-30 times a day. 

Remember that no complaining does not mean passively accepting the things in the world. If you have a complaint you can voice it….BUT IT MUST BE DIRECTLY to the person or community that can fix or do something about it. Attend a rally, tell the waiter kindly that the soup is cold and can she/he/they please re-heat it.This is not a complaint because requesting the soup be hot is reasonable, and the waiter can reheat it! Complaining to your friend while in the restaurant, or writing a bad review on Google about the cold soup is a complaint. 

Why do we complain? Will Bowen in his book, Stop Complaining, suggests we do and here's why. 


Get attention

Remove responsibility

Inspire envy


Excuse poor behaviour


Will goes on to explain in his book  that there are FOUR STAGES of change. 

These stages can be used to make any changes. 


Unconscious Incompetence: 

This is where we start. Most of us are unaware that we even complain, so the first step will be the hardest.  

Conscious Incompetence: 

This is where we start to notice how much we complain or gossip. This is where a mindfulness practice and help as we start to observe our thought patterns. 

Conscious Competence:

This is where you start to notice the things you say. Sometimes practicing some good listening skills at this stage can help. Take some time before you speak! 

Unconscious Competence. 

You have arrived! Your brain is now rewired and you naturally start to complain less, without effort.  Bravo!



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